[hey]


i just want to be ok, you know?
but i guess that's not ok.


no one's ok.
i'm unable to help myself.


lolmk?

lately, i've:

x started singing the ABC's at least ten times a day
x def. gone overboard with the texting/cell phone usage
x finished Gone With The Wind, all 1036  bible pages of small print
x watched every episode of Top Design on Bravo
x missed my iPod severely
x talked to sara mac, sammy, danielle and josh more than i ever have in my liiiife
x started to see things the way they really are
x become more accepting
x stopped with the dramatics
x been really mad, over nothing
 or
x haven't been mad enough over things
x gotten rejected from my almost summer job
x found out i have my first ever two cavities
x been afraid of getting them filled on Monday/Thursday
x just been plain upset.

so far, this break's been kinda sucky. all the good days have been ruined with cruddy things that no one cares about or cruddy things that only i care about or cruddy things that i don't care enough about. i miss my friends.  the one day we got to do something and actually go out, turned into the stupid day where people made bad choices. honestly, i've spent most of this break by myself, (EXCEPT FOR THAT EXTREME DDR)  reading that book, but i really wanted to get it done. it's one of those things that not everybody does, and it's honestly the best book i've ever read. it put me in my place, for sure.

i'm in another very frusterated mood right now.
reece has some pretty obnoxious friends, to tell you the truth. they came over right in mid-nap and kicked me out of the living room so i went in my room. then my aunt calls. the boys won't answer the phone. so i have to wake up out of a dead sleep, cross the house, answer the phone to tell my brother to get ready for church. ok. so i go back to bed. ten minutes later the phone rings again. so i get up, cross the house, pick up the phone and it's my aunt again to tell me that reece is gone. thanks. i probably would've missed that if i slept through that call. it was UTTERLY VITAL.
so finally once everybody's gone and everyone stopped calling i started my Gatsby. another chapter with imagery that makes me feel retarted. two pages into it, my mom comes home and is ready to ramble on about her day for a long, long time. i can't read and talk and answer questions. frankly, just not that talented. she gives me the run through about how i should be in church, and eventually leaves and i half-finish my Gatsby. then i cleaned the house and did some laundry while watching ANTM. then my mom and reece come home when i'm trying to complete the Gatsby and just talk and talk and talk and talk. and they never, ever stop. they fight and yell and can't even take it in the other room. YAY. then aunt donna comes over. "why weren't you in church?"
well. let me tell you about my day, and let you know why i didn't go to church.

and if i could swim.
i'd swim out to you in the ocean
swim out to where you were floating.

HEY DANIELLE.
we're the only people who post.
what up bia?
danke schon for the 'i tried' sticker
it's currently the background for my cellular phone.

i got a C on my Chem test, that i thought i did well on
what will my math grade be on a test where i know i did bad?
we'll just have to wait.
i'm SO PUMPED.

Hope you live to be 100.
Hope you live to be 100.
Hope you live to be 100,
and then 100 more!

You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive
Well you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me

I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and...

You're so vain

i've never been more serious.
not even kidding.
but of course it's just not good enough
damn.
maybe one day i'll be good enough
but that probably won't ever happen
nope.
i better just get used to it
i won't ever be good enough for you.